SLP 8: Live life, it’s lovely


21-05

Look what my brother gave me! He made this one himself, because of an assignment on one of his classes. I’m happy he thought about me when deciding who’s name to engrave in this nameplate. It’s now standing on my desk, to remind me how much I’m loved, if I’d ever doubt that.

22-05
I like how a guy I’ve recently befriended carelessly played with the paw of the cat on my bag. I think I’ve made a new friend! There was a lack of people in my life who cared the past time, but with him it’s different, it’s just… It’s good, you know?


23-05

Taking a stroll at the park. I’m there very often these days, because for one thing I live right beside it and also because it’s a perfect place to escape to when I’m sick of studying in my room and I want to enjoy the sun. I went there alone, I’m practically always alone these days, but still I don’t feel lonely. It must be because of the sunshine!

23-05
While I was walking in the park I spotted a guy who was reading a book and I wanted to ask him about it so badly, but I just didn’t have the guts for it! I’m stupid, aren’t I! Luckily my friend was sending me texts all the way to encourage me to talk to him anyway, which made me feel a little less stupid. Oh, now I remember again why we’re best friends, I thought to myself. Because she’d be the only one I’d have these ridiculous conversations with about some strangers we’d never met and whom we’d develop some weird kind of obsession with. It’s hilarious I tell you.“I hereby announce you to ‘Bookboy’. You’re agreeing, unknowingly with the possible consequences; imaging, stalking and all such.”

24-05
After a rough and depressive night I found in the morning that my honest, but depressive thoughts I’d expressed on another blog were very much appreciated and recognized by many others. It’s comforting to know you’re not standing alone.

24-05
New friend who shared his happiness with me, of discovering that one of his life goals, climbing the Kilimanjaro, is mentioned for a short moment in the movie ‘The Lion King’, as the mountain is visible for only a few seconds, which is enough to create a huge smile on his face and a happy heart.

25-05
Waking up with the sun shining in my room. Usually I always kept my curtains shut, because I don’t like waking up with light shining on my face. Or so I thought, because waking up in this matter actually felt pretty damn good!

25-05
When I was walking that afternoon through The Park I got hit up by some guy who kept flirting and asking me for something to drink. You may think I’m weird, but I do NOT like it when guys are trying to hit me up, which is the exact reason why I usually avoid eye contact with men I don’t know. So I think you can understand that my stroll that afternoon wasn’t as peaceful and fun as I’d hoped it would be, as I’d find myself almost running back to my room, because I wanted to get rid of the guy.
The stroll I’d taken later that evening was a whole different story though! Once again I was walking alone, but even though I saw a lot of people walking with friends or family, all dressed up on their way to have a nice evening, I didn’t feel lonely. I’d even bottled up the courage to ask a couple that was walking by to take a picture of me, which turned out pretty awesome if you ask me, so that simple stroll made my whole day perfect! I was reminded what it was like to feel peaceful and be happy and the best part of it is that I didn’t need anyone for it, just being with me was enough to create these amazing feelings.
I’m still in dilemma whether or not to post the said picture. Maybe I’ll add it? What do you think, would you like to see it? :)

25-05
There’s this pass you can purchase in my city for a low price through which you can visit a lot of places for free or at discount. By these you must think about cinema’s, touristic spots, restaurants, museums and many more. I have this recently purchased this pass and when I asked a friend if he’d had one, so we could perhaps do something together, he told me that he didn’t, but after hearing from me what kind of things we could do, he said he would purchase one! Wow! I’m not used to people actually doing such a thing just because I ask them for it! That he’s willing to purchase this pass just so we could do something together (and of course there are many other things he could do with other friends, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s all about me), makes me so incredibly happy!

26-05
My parents who decided to stop by just when I was feeling lonely and desiring a hug. Talking about timing! Even when they’re about 100km’s away they still feel what I need the most.


27-05

‘Sunrise 5.30am! Crazy enough to join me? :p’, and he was. I had the most unexpected, wonderful, crazy, but oh so good night/morning/noon since well, ever. There were many ‘firsts’ for me, like for one thing it was the first time in my life I actually watched the sunrise with someone, the first time sleeping with someone and many other things, but I’d like to keep those other things to myself.

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Secret desires of a lazy bum

Even though also today I do practically nothing but listening to music and refreshing Facebook every five minutes or so, it’s not that I don’t have anything I want to do. It’s just that what I want to do and what I should do are two way too different things, so I end up doing nothing, because I don’t want to feel guilty for having fun while actually I should eh, well yeah, do something else; something productive, something useful… *UCHE* Studying *UCHE*. Not wanting to feel guilty isn’t the only reason why I don’t even do what I want to do; my butt has already warmed my seat, I haven’t downloaded this awesome music I’m  listening to on YouTube yet to put on my mp3-player and well, sigh, apparently today I don’t even feel like coming up with more excuses, so I’ll just be honest and tell you I’m too lazy to get up and leave my seat.
Here’s what I want to do, the moment I’ll find the motivation to at least get up, that is. Otherwise I doubt I’ll get anywhere:

  • Take a walk in the park. Actually I only want to do this, because I know from previous times how much I like to do this and how much it clears my head. Something inside me tells me that if I’ll try to achieve the same thing this time by going to the park I’ll only end up being bored and the whole ‘peaceful-and-idyllic’ image I have of the park will be ruined. Not a good idea right? Let’s move on to my other secret desire.
  • Hang out with friends. With this I have almost the same pessimistic thoughts as I have with my other desire; it only seems fun in my head, but because at the moment I don’t have much to talk about and I doubt I have the concentration to pay attention to what someone else is saying, I don’t think that hanging around with others would be such a good idea.
  • Go to the beach. Unlike my first point this is a realistic option, because the last time I went to the beach was almost 2 years ago (and I was together with my first love, ah the memories! It was on the same day when we were supposed to have our first date, which I cancelled – Yes, I’m stupid, already knew that –  and in the end we just hung out with a whole bunch of people. Sadly enough it was his friend who kept flirting with me instead of himself, damn it.) so I don’t think I would get bored quickly. It’s isn’t that warm outside as I wish it would be though, so I guess in the end it would be a disappointment.
  • Party. It’s barely noon, so where would I find a party at this moment? Sometimes I do wonder how unrealistic my desires could get ~. Even so, getting all dressed up and dance with my lovely friends would seem like the most awesome thing ever.
  • Sleep. Now this would be a great idea! Sadly my bed is about 100 km away from where I am at the moment, so also this isn’t an option anymore. Perhaps I could borrow a bed from someone who lives closeby, but actually the only person I know who wouldn’t mind lending me his bed is away on a vacation. There’s also another friend who I could ask, but I already feel guilty enough for crashing at her place so often. Sleeping at her place is so lovely, but that’s the same reason why I won’t ask her unless it necessary for me to stay over so she won’t be fed up with me, hehe.
    Which reminds me, and this has nothing to do with this post but it’s something I’ve been thinking about since quite a long time (until I forgot about it, but recently it popped in my head again) and it’s about sleeping. It’s funny to notice how opinions differ on if it would be normal to sleep with someone. I started asking people ever since I began having the desire to sleep with a guy I liked, but didn’t love. Was it normal to want to sleep with someone? For the record, I’m not talking about sex or whatever, I mean just sleeping. Still, was it normal to want to do it with someone you didn’t love? Was it slutty? Though I have friends I love and who I like to hug and lay around with, it’s different than wanting to sleep with a guy.
    Someone told me it’s not weird for a girl to want to sleep with a guy, because many girls see it as sleeping with a huge real-life teddy bear, which I have to agree with. Stuffed animals are called ‘knuffels’ in Dutch and literally translated it means ‘hugs’. That’s what we want to achieve when sleeping with a stuffed animal, right; to receive and to give hugs? Only when you’re sleeping with a ‘real’ person, you would receive more than from a stuffed animal. Seems pretty logical, right?
    Another person told me it is slutty and you shouldn’t sleep with someone unless you love that person. She didn’t give me any more arguments, so it leaves me to make up reasons why it wouldn’t be right. In a way it’s quite a scary thought that as soon as I’d make the decision to sleep with someone, there would be a bunch of people judging me for it and for those I’ll have the image of slut, forever and ever.
    I still haven’t figured out what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ to do, but when adding up all of the different opinions and advices there’s only one advice I could highly agree on and which is the advice I want to try to live by:
    Do what you want to do and don’t care about what others say.
    So if I make the decision to sleep with someone (or to do something else, this isn’t just about sleeping actually. It’s about everything one could do that could make others judge them), I’ll do it because I want to, and not because someone tells me it’s right, and I’ll not not do it, because someone tells me it’s wrong. To live by the rules and opinions of others, is to live a dependent life without being able to think for myself and with many regrets afterwards.
    ‘What do I want?’ is the question I’ll ask myself from now on instead of  ‘what would they think about it?’

Though I’ve already made up my mind about what I want to do, I’m still curious about your opinions when it comes to sleeping with someone. Would you call it ‘normal’, ‘slutty’ or would you say ‘whatever!’? Let me know!

Okay, I take back what I said in the beginning from this post; actually I don’t want to do anything. I guess this is okay though, it’s not like I’m breaking any law by being lazy. Maybe if I sit down on my chair long enough I’ll start studying!
I’m proud of my optimism.

Spring is coming

When I’m studying at my faculty, everything seems serious and real. But who knew that right next to this building that guides you to reality, lies a beautiful and idyllic park? The real world and the dream world, situated right next to each other. It’s so nice to take a stroll there, which I should do more often, because it sets my mind at ease. Everything is whispering and hinting that spring is almost coming and everyone is waiting patiently for it to arrive.
Flowers, bloom! Sun, shine! New life, your time is now!