The title of this post shouldn’t wonder you as it is expected that one day I would explain the name of my blog. Though I didn’t spent much time choosing the name I didn’t choose the title ‘Secret Little Paradise’ with that little care. Or did I already explained this in a previous post? I can’t remember and as I don’t feel like scrolling back to my previous posts I’ll just keep continuing this boring monologue about something that I already know, you probably don’t even care about and it just takes me a lot of time and effort to explain. So why am I doing this anyway? To waste some time? Yes, let’s just keep it at that.
I can’t focus at all. What was it that I wanted to explain again? I wanted to explain myself? Or something. Eh yeah the title, was it?
Secret; Because that’s the way I am. I can’t open up to people very well and I’m quite good at hiding the truth if I want to. Instead of trying to pretend that I do want to open up and be less secretive I think sometimes it’s just better to face the truth and accept how I am. How I want to be is a whole different thing and that process is also established in here. In secret that is.
Little; Because I’m trying to be modest.
Paradise; The word says it all. Or no, it doesn’t not at all, it’s just that I’m not in the mood anymore to explain myself any further. Why did I start this post anyway? I’m so lazy, it’s ridiculous. About a second ago my whole mind was filled with theories about secrets and my whole lifestyle and what not, but what is this now? Ha, the moment I’m asking myself ‘why can’t I just type what I’m thinking’ the answer already pops up in my mind. It’s because there’s no advantage to it. Not for me no, because I’d be only typing what I already know and well, perhaps for my ‘readers’? But honestly, would any of you be interested in my blab-story? I don’t actually think so. It’s boring, really.
Since the point of this whole blog is ‘For Me’, I’ll end this post here since ‘For Me’ this is just no use.
My driving instructor always said that I drive like I’m in a hurry. I know I drive that way, because that’s how I am with everything. I always feel like I’m in a hurry and I’m out of time. But how come actually? It only works negatively, because of it I can never do things calmly and enjoy them. Not always, I must admit, but most of the time I do feel like I’m in a hurry. When reading the story of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ I always associated myself with the rabbit who continually said ‘I’m late! I’m late!’. That’s how I feel too; I’m always too late, I’m always in a rush, there’s always too much that I have to do and too little time to do it, which results into me doing things fast and not enjoying them fully.
A friend once said that I don’t seem like a person who’s used to working. This proves that she’s never seen my true nature. My true nature is fast, always. Probably because that’s how I’ve been raised? To do things quick? I don’t like others to do things I’ve been assigned to, so when it comes to things I’m responsible for I do them myself, fast always, like I’m in a hurry, feeling like I’ve got something or someone on my trail. I think my friend thought of me that way because when I’m with others I’m holding myself back, because I don’t want to scare them with the look in my eyes that says ‘HURRY!’ and my fast movements. You know, actually in a way it was true that I had a lot to do and a lot to worry about, and especially lately, so then it actually isn’t that surprising that it was hard for me to relax sometimes was it?
That period is the past though as things are different now in this short period I got my propaedeutic, I’ve moved out and I’ve gotten my driver’s license. Getting my propaedeutic means that the pressure of getting kicked out of medical school is finally over, moving out means that I don’t have to spend that much time traveling anymore and getting my driver’s license this means that I finally don’t have to spend so much time every week anymore on driving lessons. So I’m not in a rush anymore, or should I say, I shouldn’t be. Old habits die hard, so now I actually have to try to be peaceful and accept that I do have enough time and I do have everything under control and I’m not in a rush.
But when will I finally accept this then?
I’m going to stop worrying about the time, about having not enough of it, and just enjoy every moment calmly. I’m going to start standing still and looking around, more than I already did, as now I’m going to do it properly. I’m going to accept that everything is what it is. Festina Lente; Make haste slowly.
And you must be too! I mean, who’d bother to read my ‘Food Diaries’ every single day? (Ok, many people apparently, but still) When I started with it, it seemed like a good idea to me, because I wanted to capture how healthy (or unhealthy) I eat, but now that I’ve been doing it for quite some time I have to admit that it starts to bore me. Those posts just start to get more and more dull, because I don’t really care about them, so I can’t imagine that you do. There are many more interesting things happening in my life, so many more interesting thoughts and inspirations, so why would I bother wasting my time writing those ‘Food Diaries’ if I can use it to write something better??
So here’s the conclusion: No more Food Diaries!
Let’s move on to the next chapter of my Secret Little Paradise!