SLP 9: Into the Rabbit Hole

28-05
‘I’m yours’. And I’m scared, incredibly scared, so these words mean the world to me. Just wait a little bit longer, so I’ll be able to give myself properly to you too.

29-05
A friend who cares enough about my well being to try to convince me to face one of my biggest fears, which is to open myself up to someone and love them

30-05
After failing a test I’d made that morning, I found myself wandering pretty lonely and uncomfortable. The attention I got from the guy I like and my best friend, even if it was just through texts and a call, meant the world to me and made the sun shine just a little bit more.
I love being loved, I believe my father was right when saying it’s the best feeling ever.

31-05
Surprise! My roommate was finally back! If only for a few hours though. I love how easy it was for me to connect with her. She made me feel very welcome and I even believe she likes me! No, I really do! She’s so nice!
31-05
Dear, sweet, kind brothers, thank you for loving me.


01-06

Exploring Rotterdam at night with my one of my dearest friends. I truly believe she’s one of the people in my life who genuinely cares about me.


02-06

Getting up early to see the sunrise at Rotterdam with my dear friend who spent the night.

02-06
View from the Euromast. It was so peaceful up there. I didn’t feel like taking pictures, I just wanted to stand still and look around. Didn’t even bother talking, I just wanted to look around with the sun shining on my face. Luckily my dear friend is very fond of taking pictures, so no credits for me for these ones :)

02-06|
DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE AT THE ROTTERDAM RAVE PARTY. Wasn’t quite sober so that might have been the reason I didn’t mind dancing on my own most of the time. Just dancing nothing more. Don’t think, just dance.

03-06
Hey, I like you, you know that?

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SLP 8: Live life, it’s lovely


21-05

Look what my brother gave me! He made this one himself, because of an assignment on one of his classes. I’m happy he thought about me when deciding who’s name to engrave in this nameplate. It’s now standing on my desk, to remind me how much I’m loved, if I’d ever doubt that.

22-05
I like how a guy I’ve recently befriended carelessly played with the paw of the cat on my bag. I think I’ve made a new friend! There was a lack of people in my life who cared the past time, but with him it’s different, it’s just… It’s good, you know?


23-05

Taking a stroll at the park. I’m there very often these days, because for one thing I live right beside it and also because it’s a perfect place to escape to when I’m sick of studying in my room and I want to enjoy the sun. I went there alone, I’m practically always alone these days, but still I don’t feel lonely. It must be because of the sunshine!

23-05
While I was walking in the park I spotted a guy who was reading a book and I wanted to ask him about it so badly, but I just didn’t have the guts for it! I’m stupid, aren’t I! Luckily my friend was sending me texts all the way to encourage me to talk to him anyway, which made me feel a little less stupid. Oh, now I remember again why we’re best friends, I thought to myself. Because she’d be the only one I’d have these ridiculous conversations with about some strangers we’d never met and whom we’d develop some weird kind of obsession with. It’s hilarious I tell you.“I hereby announce you to ‘Bookboy’. You’re agreeing, unknowingly with the possible consequences; imaging, stalking and all such.”

24-05
After a rough and depressive night I found in the morning that my honest, but depressive thoughts I’d expressed on another blog were very much appreciated and recognized by many others. It’s comforting to know you’re not standing alone.

24-05
New friend who shared his happiness with me, of discovering that one of his life goals, climbing the Kilimanjaro, is mentioned for a short moment in the movie ‘The Lion King’, as the mountain is visible for only a few seconds, which is enough to create a huge smile on his face and a happy heart.

25-05
Waking up with the sun shining in my room. Usually I always kept my curtains shut, because I don’t like waking up with light shining on my face. Or so I thought, because waking up in this matter actually felt pretty damn good!

25-05
When I was walking that afternoon through The Park I got hit up by some guy who kept flirting and asking me for something to drink. You may think I’m weird, but I do NOT like it when guys are trying to hit me up, which is the exact reason why I usually avoid eye contact with men I don’t know. So I think you can understand that my stroll that afternoon wasn’t as peaceful and fun as I’d hoped it would be, as I’d find myself almost running back to my room, because I wanted to get rid of the guy.
The stroll I’d taken later that evening was a whole different story though! Once again I was walking alone, but even though I saw a lot of people walking with friends or family, all dressed up on their way to have a nice evening, I didn’t feel lonely. I’d even bottled up the courage to ask a couple that was walking by to take a picture of me, which turned out pretty awesome if you ask me, so that simple stroll made my whole day perfect! I was reminded what it was like to feel peaceful and be happy and the best part of it is that I didn’t need anyone for it, just being with me was enough to create these amazing feelings.
I’m still in dilemma whether or not to post the said picture. Maybe I’ll add it? What do you think, would you like to see it? :)

25-05
There’s this pass you can purchase in my city for a low price through which you can visit a lot of places for free or at discount. By these you must think about cinema’s, touristic spots, restaurants, museums and many more. I have this recently purchased this pass and when I asked a friend if he’d had one, so we could perhaps do something together, he told me that he didn’t, but after hearing from me what kind of things we could do, he said he would purchase one! Wow! I’m not used to people actually doing such a thing just because I ask them for it! That he’s willing to purchase this pass just so we could do something together (and of course there are many other things he could do with other friends, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s all about me), makes me so incredibly happy!

26-05
My parents who decided to stop by just when I was feeling lonely and desiring a hug. Talking about timing! Even when they’re about 100km’s away they still feel what I need the most.


27-05

‘Sunrise 5.30am! Crazy enough to join me? :p’, and he was. I had the most unexpected, wonderful, crazy, but oh so good night/morning/noon since well, ever. There were many ‘firsts’ for me, like for one thing it was the first time in my life I actually watched the sunrise with someone, the first time sleeping with someone and many other things, but I’d like to keep those other things to myself.

SLP 7: Sunshine

14/05
You remember the guy I mentioned before? We had dinner today when having a little housewarming party at my room by ourselves. He did keep his promise, which kind of surprised me, because I know how good he is at not keeping them. I realized again why I felt so comfortable around him and why I ever saw him as a friend anyway. I wasn’t that weak of a person that I just wanted to be around him for the complements he gave me; I honestly couldn’t care less about those, but it’s the comfortable feeling of being accepted, almost like being ‘home’ that he’s supplied me with ever since I got to know him, that attracts me towards him, even if it’s just as friends. I’m happy that this whole thing is now finally solved.

14/05
To manage not to throw up my food on purpose and being able to talk about it afterwards with a friend and not being judged about it. I must be doing well these days if I don’t have to do those things anymore!

16/05:
‘I like your hat! It matches the style of the rest of your outfit too!’ YOU’RE SO KIND! Yes, I have my own style!

17/05
Taking a walk after sitting in my room for quite a while. Though it started out bad, with my secret garden being closed and seeing loveydovey couples everywhere (Is it Valentine’s Day? NO! So get the fuck off!), but when I almost reached the end of my stroll my best friend easily made me laugh through the texts we exchanged and I also saw two cute guys! One of them lives in the building across from mine and the other guy lives in the same building as mine! Hehe, that makes up for pretty much everything.

18/05
Taking a stroll in the park with the sun shining bright. Just walking and looking around, nothing more. The first picture of this post was taken during my stroll.

18/05 
Cooking an incredibly colourful dinner with a friend; Fried rice with egg, red and green paprikas and tofu. Just looking at it every time I took a bite made me smile! I love colourful food! I really really really love it!

This picture isn’t that very special as I believe to have read this quote many times before, but I still took it when I saw it. Usually when reading such a quote I’d think to myself ‘Yeah, that must have been a preeeettyy looooong time ago’, because I’m not that adventures, but lately I did have many big things happening in my life! Ironic, isn’t it, that suddenly this comes up my path almost forcing me to see how incredible my life is going and how I should appreciate and capture every single happy moment, big or small.

SLP 6 – Just a bit of happiness, please

07/05
Discovering a secret garden near my room. I really do believe that it’s secret, but that doesn’t stop me of telling the world about it as the place is just too lovely to not share it with others. I want to go there again, as soon as possible!
08/05
Getting my driver’s license. I couldn’t believe that I did it! When I started to learn to drive I thought it was impossible for me to ever get my license, but now I actually did it. Wow. I couldn’t believe it, I still can’t believe it!
08/05
My brother who came by my room to have dinner together and totally treated me like a princess to celebrate getting  my driver’s license. He brought us delicious buns, cupcakes and a whoopie pie to celebrate it with, it was lovely.
09/05
Not failing a test of which I thought beforehand that I’d fail and feeling incredibly zen and peaceful in the evening while chatting with my parents on the phone, cooking in my room and almost falling asleep on my couch because everything just felt too perfect.
13/05
The look on my mother’s face when I surprised her not only with pancakes, cakes and other yummie homemade food on her birthday (and Mother’s Day on the same day!), but also with a dress of which she hadn’t expected at all to get and which she loved. I like making people happy this way, if only for that look on her face and those feelings, it means the world to me.

SLP 5: A Cup of Cake

30/04
Reading a blog from a girl who expresses herself the way I wish I could. It’s  nice to read how someone can still express herself so deeply, while I still seem to struggle with it. She inspires me to keep trying until I am able to. Thank you, Eleanor.
01/05
Little girl in the train while I was travelling to my room to spend the night there for the first time. Her mother was too busy playing with her phone so the girl drew all her attention to me, who was sitting diagonally behind her and did about everything to draw my attention to her. She succeeded, easily.
02/05
My mother who came to visit me in my room and not only we did some grocery shopping together, before I went to make my exam, but also when I came back she surprised me with preparing one of my favorite vegetables: broccoli and tofu, which I love to eat too, but because my siblings and parents aren’t too fond of we don’t eat it a lot at home. Now I’ve moved out I can eat as much tofu as I want!
02/05
After I found out there was something wrong with my connection to the internet I was actually pretty bummed out. Then I found how peaceful it actually was. I felt incredibly zen~.
02/05
My brother who texted me good night just when I was preparing to go to bed too. I’d like to call this serendipity.
04/05
Guy who was walking behind me with a trolley and though I didn’t know the guy at all he acted like he was ‘The monster on wheels’ and joked around with me. He was so funny!
04/05
My friends who came to visit me and we had an improvisation house warming at my new place. Their presence made the place feel a little more like home to me.
05/05
My wonderful parents and brothers who worked their ass of helping me with decorating my room, which include putting all of the IKEA furniture together. I was so tired, but so satisfied and happy at the same time.

SLP 2


11/04:
A girl from my studies complemented me on my DOMO-bag and said that I always carried ‘gadgets’, by which she probably meant that I own some cute and different stuff that isn’t mainstream. I’m happy how she notices me and my style and how both are appreciated.

11/04:
Usually I really really really dislike bad weather, but this time it felt so lovely and amazing to just walk carelessly in the rain, while sipping on my café au lait without an umbrella. I felt awesome!

11/04:
Getting a call from the ‘stranger’ met on the streets. It was so nice to talk to him again, for some reason I don’t have to put any effort in connecting with him and the conversation just flowed. He actually called to invite me for a job interview and as I’m not interested in the job itself, but I am in seeing him again, we’re going to meet today. I hope we can become friends, I think I’d like that.

12/04:
Hanging out with a friend and feeling that everything was perfect. I didn’t feel very well for the past few weeks, but that Thursday it felt like everything was suddenly okay. More than okay even. I won’t tread too much into detail, because I can’t really explain it very well, but don’t you ever have that feeling that just being with someone makes you feel like all is just, perfect?

13/04:
I got invited to visit a room where the roommate had to choose another roommate (I don’t know how it’s called in English, but it’s kind of like a job interview, but different) and when I told my friend about it, she immediately said I didn’t have to worry about getting the room, because I’m always spontaneous and enthusiastic about things. I’m happy that’s the way people view me! I’d always thought that I’m unnoticed, but when people say these kind of things about me, it shows that they do notice me and that they like what they see.

13/04:
After quite a long time I finally felt strong enough to solve a certain issue, instead of running away from it hoping it would solve itself, like I’d done for the past time. The issue involved a guy and our not-so-or-maybe-yes-relationship we’ve had for more than half a year, but now we’ve finally actually talked it out and I finally said what I had to say. It feels good to know where we stand, because now I can finally move on. Like he said, who knows what the future may have in store for us? For now I’ll just accept it for what it is and I believe that I’ve finally done the right thing.

My Happy Week is My SLP: 1


As an addition to this post, I started to think about ways to capture my happy moments of each day. The first option that came in mind was to carry around a ‘Happy Notebook’, but I don’t actually think I’d write in it everyday, since I’m a very lazy girl and I’d probably find it too bothersome.
So if I wasn’t planning on capturing my happy moments each day, then maybe it would be possible for me to reflect on a past week to see what were my happiest moments in them. Perhaps I’d forget a whole lot of happy moments, but I suppose I’d remember the most important ones; the ones that made me the most happy!
My Happy Week: 02/04 – 08/04

  • 02/04 Getting a call from a not-so-stranger-anymore who wanted to help me telling my story about losing a loved one. He showed how he cared and just that coming from a random stranger who had no reason whatsoever to care about me, a person he’d never met before, gave me so much consolation.
  • 03/04 Meeting a random stranger on the streets who was shining while sharing his enthusiasm when he talked about what he considered important. He was really nice and I’m happy that my affection towards him wasn’t one-sided.
  • 04/04 Meeting the niece of a girl I once called my best friend before we grew apart about five years ago. Talking and playing with her was lovely and though it wasn’t for long it was so much fun! It was special, I can’t say more about it, but it just was.

When writing this post I actually came up with many more happy moments, but I didn’t want this post to be tedious so I decided to share only my most important and happiest moments with you.
If you want to know more, feel free to post a comment and I’ll be glad to answer it :).

These little moments of happiness are actually also secret little paradises to me as it are small moments, but can totally make my day and they’re moments I don’t tell the whole world about. Or well I do, by blogging about it, but in real life I do keep some of them as a secret. Therefore I’d like to rename this post and for further notice I’d like to call it a ‘Secret Little Paradise’ instead of ‘My Happy Week’, or in short ‘SLP’.

Food Diary: 3rd of April, 2012

Maybe I should keep a ‘Happy Notebook’ as I’m the kind of person who gets her happiness from all the little things that happen in life. Just like this morning there was a random stranger who approached me, because he was acquiring people for some good cause. I wasn’t interested in the cause, but because apparently he liked me and thought I was cute, but also a bit keen and sharp-witted, he offered me a job instead. His enthusiasm was very contagious, so I became happy as well and gave him my phone number. I don’t think I’d like to do that kind of job, but because this guy was really nice and I already declined helping him with cause, I just couldn’t say no to the offer. In short: It was so cool how enthusiastic, and not in a fake way, this guy could talk about what he found important. I really like it if people can be so impassioned that way; he was shining! I must admit, I’m not always nice to those people who are standing on the streets trying to find people to acquire them for a good cause, but with this guy I just couldn’t get irritated.
He really made my day and my day was only just beginning!

Food:
– One slice of toasted whole-wheat bread with metworst
– Two slices of whole-wheat bread with ham, low-fat cheese and lettuce
Ben&Jerry: Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. I’m not sure if these kinds of promotion exist in other countries besides the Netherlands too, but the deal was this: With a link on Facebook you could vote if Ben&Jerry’s would come to your city to distribute free ice cream and they’d come to the ten cities with the most votes. After sharing that message on my own Facebookaccount and encouraging friends to vote for it, the town where I study was included in the top ten! Coincidentally my hometown was also included in the top ten, but as I was studying today at my faculty I decided I’d just go for some ice cream after my studies with friends there. Can you believe it was actually the second time in my whole life that I’d eaten Ben & Jerry’s ice cream? Shame on me, I know. The previous time I had ‘Cookie Dough’, but I have to say that this Chocolate Fudge Brownie is so much better.
– A half roti and a bit of rice with masala eggplant, chicken and potatoes
– One slice of toasted whole-wheat bread with a mix of dark and white chocolate sprinkles
– A bowl of yogurt with peach and muesli with raisins and apple

Drinks:
– One mug of cafe au lait with soy milk and a sweetener
– One cup of hot chocolate
– One glass of clear lemonade, grenadine flavor
– Two mugs of Japanese cherry green tea