SLP 9: Into the Rabbit Hole

‘I’m yours’. And I’m scared, incredibly scared, so these words mean the world to me. Just wait a little bit longer, so I’ll be able to give myself properly to you too.

A friend who cares enough about my well being to try to convince me to face one of my biggest fears, which is to open myself up to someone and love them

After failing a test I’d made that morning, I found myself wandering pretty lonely and uncomfortable. The attention I got from the guy I like and my best friend, even if it was just through texts and a call, meant the world to me and made the sun shine just a little bit more.
I love being loved, I believe my father was right when saying it’s the best feeling ever.

Surprise! My roommate was finally back! If only for a few hours though. I love how easy it was for me to connect with her. She made me feel very welcome and I even believe she likes me! No, I really do! She’s so nice!
Dear, sweet, kind brothers, thank you for loving me.


Exploring Rotterdam at night with my one of my dearest friends. I truly believe she’s one of the people in my life who genuinely cares about me.


Getting up early to see the sunrise at Rotterdam with my dear friend who spent the night.

View from the Euromast. It was so peaceful up there. I didn’t feel like taking pictures, I just wanted to stand still and look around. Didn’t even bother talking, I just wanted to look around with the sun shining on my face. Luckily my dear friend is very fond of taking pictures, so no credits for me for these ones :)

DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE AT THE ROTTERDAM RAVE PARTY. Wasn’t quite sober so that might have been the reason I didn’t mind dancing on my own most of the time. Just dancing nothing more. Don’t think, just dance.

Hey, I like you, you know that?


SLP 5: A Cup of Cake

Reading a blog from a girl who expresses herself the way I wish I could. It’s  nice to read how someone can still express herself so deeply, while I still seem to struggle with it. She inspires me to keep trying until I am able to. Thank you, Eleanor.
Little girl in the train while I was travelling to my room to spend the night there for the first time. Her mother was too busy playing with her phone so the girl drew all her attention to me, who was sitting diagonally behind her and did about everything to draw my attention to her. She succeeded, easily.
My mother who came to visit me in my room and not only we did some grocery shopping together, before I went to make my exam, but also when I came back she surprised me with preparing one of my favorite vegetables: broccoli and tofu, which I love to eat too, but because my siblings and parents aren’t too fond of we don’t eat it a lot at home. Now I’ve moved out I can eat as much tofu as I want!
After I found out there was something wrong with my connection to the internet I was actually pretty bummed out. Then I found how peaceful it actually was. I felt incredibly zen~.
My brother who texted me good night just when I was preparing to go to bed too. I’d like to call this serendipity.
Guy who was walking behind me with a trolley and though I didn’t know the guy at all he acted like he was ‘The monster on wheels’ and joked around with me. He was so funny!
My friends who came to visit me and we had an improvisation house warming at my new place. Their presence made the place feel a little more like home to me.
My wonderful parents and brothers who worked their ass of helping me with decorating my room, which include putting all of the IKEA furniture together. I was so tired, but so satisfied and happy at the same time.

Hello New Life!

In one week my whole life has changed. This was the week I got my propaedeutics, I visited a room and I actually got chosen for the room! I’M MOVING OUT, PEOPLE! I’m going to live in Rotterdam from now on! This Thursday I’m going to sign the rental contract and since that moment I’m not living with my parents anymore, but I’ll be on my own. I’ve imagined this moment for so many times and now that it’s actually happening I can’t really believe it. It’s all going so fast!
But I’m happy, I really am, because these events have showed me just how lovely my friends are and how lovely it is to share happiness with others, how amazing it is to feel yourself shine and see that it’s affecting others too. AND I’M EXCITED! Me, a 19-year old short girl who has lived with her parents her whole life, who was never allowed to go on sleepovers, is actually finally moving out. Even before her older brothers are, even before she’s married or has a boyfriend; these are the scenarios I’d only dreamed of and now it’s actually happening. I still can’t believe it. Even when writing this post my mind feels like ‘durrrr’ and I have weird look on my face that says ‘To smile, or not to smile? To be confused or not to be confused? Is this realityyyyy??’, I bet you can imagine it’s not my prettiest look. (Or you can’t, since I’ve never posted a picture of myself on here before! Ha! Gotcha!)

Let me end this wacko, perhaps confusing and chaotic, but uttermost happy post with some Queen!
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? –  You tell me!


A girl from my studies complemented me on my DOMO-bag and said that I always carried ‘gadgets’, by which she probably meant that I own some cute and different stuff that isn’t mainstream. I’m happy how she notices me and my style and how both are appreciated.

Usually I really really really dislike bad weather, but this time it felt so lovely and amazing to just walk carelessly in the rain, while sipping on my café au lait without an umbrella. I felt awesome!

Getting a call from the ‘stranger’ met on the streets. It was so nice to talk to him again, for some reason I don’t have to put any effort in connecting with him and the conversation just flowed. He actually called to invite me for a job interview and as I’m not interested in the job itself, but I am in seeing him again, we’re going to meet today. I hope we can become friends, I think I’d like that.

Hanging out with a friend and feeling that everything was perfect. I didn’t feel very well for the past few weeks, but that Thursday it felt like everything was suddenly okay. More than okay even. I won’t tread too much into detail, because I can’t really explain it very well, but don’t you ever have that feeling that just being with someone makes you feel like all is just, perfect?

I got invited to visit a room where the roommate had to choose another roommate (I don’t know how it’s called in English, but it’s kind of like a job interview, but different) and when I told my friend about it, she immediately said I didn’t have to worry about getting the room, because I’m always spontaneous and enthusiastic about things. I’m happy that’s the way people view me! I’d always thought that I’m unnoticed, but when people say these kind of things about me, it shows that they do notice me and that they like what they see.

After quite a long time I finally felt strong enough to solve a certain issue, instead of running away from it hoping it would solve itself, like I’d done for the past time. The issue involved a guy and our not-so-or-maybe-yes-relationship we’ve had for more than half a year, but now we’ve finally actually talked it out and I finally said what I had to say. It feels good to know where we stand, because now I can finally move on. Like he said, who knows what the future may have in store for us? For now I’ll just accept it for what it is and I believe that I’ve finally done the right thing.

My Happy Week is My SLP: 1

As an addition to this post, I started to think about ways to capture my happy moments of each day. The first option that came in mind was to carry around a ‘Happy Notebook’, but I don’t actually think I’d write in it everyday, since I’m a very lazy girl and I’d probably find it too bothersome.
So if I wasn’t planning on capturing my happy moments each day, then maybe it would be possible for me to reflect on a past week to see what were my happiest moments in them. Perhaps I’d forget a whole lot of happy moments, but I suppose I’d remember the most important ones; the ones that made me the most happy!
My Happy Week: 02/04 – 08/04

  • 02/04 Getting a call from a not-so-stranger-anymore who wanted to help me telling my story about losing a loved one. He showed how he cared and just that coming from a random stranger who had no reason whatsoever to care about me, a person he’d never met before, gave me so much consolation.
  • 03/04 Meeting a random stranger on the streets who was shining while sharing his enthusiasm when he talked about what he considered important. He was really nice and I’m happy that my affection towards him wasn’t one-sided.
  • 04/04 Meeting the niece of a girl I once called my best friend before we grew apart about five years ago. Talking and playing with her was lovely and though it wasn’t for long it was so much fun! It was special, I can’t say more about it, but it just was.

When writing this post I actually came up with many more happy moments, but I didn’t want this post to be tedious so I decided to share only my most important and happiest moments with you.
If you want to know more, feel free to post a comment and I’ll be glad to answer it :).

These little moments of happiness are actually also secret little paradises to me as it are small moments, but can totally make my day and they’re moments I don’t tell the whole world about. Or well I do, by blogging about it, but in real life I do keep some of them as a secret. Therefore I’d like to rename this post and for further notice I’d like to call it a ‘Secret Little Paradise’ instead of ‘My Happy Week’, or in short ‘SLP’.

My Chai Tea Latte

Ever since my niece started to update her Facebook statuses continually with “drinking ‘Chai Tea Latte’ at Starbucks”, I got curious about it. Of course, as if it’s meant to be, there’s no Starbucks in Rotterdam and even if there was one I’m not sure if I’d be willing to pay €4, -something- just for tea. Or €3,-? I’ve no idea what the price for ‘Chai Tea Latte’ is at Starbucks, but since I am familiar with the amount they ask for coffee and frappuccino I suppose it to be too expensive anyway. Luckily we have another shop here that has not necessarily everything you need, but at least everything I want, except for clothes, and there I managed to find tea bags of ‘chai tea’! Not that I was searching for them, honestly. It was cheap and for sale, so with my niece’s Facebook statuses in mind, how I could I resist buying them?
Dutch people, visit the Xenos! They have everything, it’s cheap and their stuff makes you (me) happy!


  • 250 ml Boiling hot water
  • One tea bag of chai tea
  • A dash of (soy) milk)
  • A teaspoon of honey


  • Bring water to boil in a kettle and pour it in a mug
  • Put the tea bag in it and leave it for as long as you’d like
  • Add the (soy) milk and the honey
  • Stir

To be honest no matter how addicted I’m becoming to this tea, I think my favorite one is still açai green tea. I’m sorry chai tea latte, you’ve lost this battle.

Spring is coming

When I’m studying at my faculty, everything seems serious and real. But who knew that right next to this building that guides you to reality, lies a beautiful and idyllic park? The real world and the dream world, situated right next to each other. It’s so nice to take a stroll there, which I should do more often, because it sets my mind at ease. Everything is whispering and hinting that spring is almost coming and everyone is waiting patiently for it to arrive.
Flowers, bloom! Sun, shine! New life, your time is now!

‘Who is like God?’

It’s the literally translation of the Hebrew name ‘Michael’ of which my name ‘Michelle’ was derived from. I don’t believe my parents took the meaning of the name in account when they chose it for me; they probably just thought it sounded beautiful, of which I have to agree to. It was only when I was about 12 years old when I searched for the meaning of my name.

“‘Quis ut Deus?’ A Latin sentence meaning ‘Who is like God?’, is a literal translation of the name ‘Michael’. ‘Michael’ appears as the name of several men in the ‘Old Testament’. In the ‘Book of Daniel’ it is the name of the ‘prince’ of the people of Israel. In the ‘New Testament’ the name is given to an archangel in the ‘Epistle of Jude’ 1:9 and, in the ‘Book of Revelation’ 12:7, to the leader of angels who defeat ‘the dragon’ and his fallen angels, a dragon identified in ‘Revelation’ 12:9 as ‘that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world’.
The sentence ‘Quis ut Deus?’ is particularly associated with Archangel Michael. In art St. Michael is often represented as an angelic warrior, fully armed with the helmet, sword and shield as he overcomes Satan, sometimes represented as a dragon and sometimes as a man-like figure. The shield at times ears the inscription: ‘Quis ut Deus’, the translation of the archangel’s name, but capable also of being seen as his rhetorical and scornful question to Satan.
The Scapular of St. Michael the Archangel also bears this phrase.”

The Archangel Michael is a strong being, who fights for what he believes in, who fights for the good against the bad, who fights for justice, who’s willing to challenge and overcome Satan. With his name alone he’s a warrior from God who’s strong enough to ask Satan the rhetorical question: ‘WHO is like God?’.

If Michael can be such a strong angel who fights for his belief , then who says I, Michelle, can’t?
In my own modest ways I should be able to fight for my beliefs too, to challenge not only Satan, but also myself to become a stronger person and overcome Satan as he appears in everyday issues; whenever there’s the choice between right and wrong, and the choice between the easy and the right road.
With the name my parents had chosen for me, they subconsciously also gave me the strength my name carries. I may seem like a weak and sweet little girl, but God knows the power I have inside me. The power to not choose for the easy road, but for the right road, to fight for what I believe in without any doubts.
I’m strong, just like the ones who gave me this name and the Archangel who my name was derived from, and I’ll live up to it.

If truth be told, I’m still a girl who has the cheesy dream of a loved one singing this song to her.

Food Diary: 9th of March, 2012

– One slice of ontbijtkoek
– Two slices of whole-wheat bread with dark chocolate sprinkles
– Two slices of whole-wheat bread with ham, low-fat cheese and lettuce
– One muffin with chocolate filling, bought at McDonalds
– One taro mochi. I got this one from my Chinese friend who loves mochi. The only kind of mochi I had eaten before was the one filled with red bean paste, but I have to admit that this one filled with taro tastes even better!

– Salted popcorn. I shared a bowl filled with popcorn with a bunch of my Hindustan friends while we were watching the Bollywood movie ‘Golmaal returns’, because we wanted to celebrate Holi together, which is a religious Hindu fest. I’m actually a catholic, but because my roots still lies in India it’s enough reason for me to celebrate Holi too. I’m sure Indian people will think differently about it, but hey, to me it’s still about my culture! Even if my religion isn’t Hinduism.
When celebrating this fest, you’re actually supposed to throw colored powder on each other, but because of circumstances we decided to celebrate it in a more modest way.
For my Dutch readers: You can watch here a short informational video about Holi in case you’re interested.  For my non-Dutch readers: There must be other informational video’s on Youtube, so do search for it if you’re interested about Holi, I don’t think it would be very hard to find.
Subh Holi!

– One whole-wheat mini-baguette with an omelet with a tomato and piccalilli sauce

– One mug of coffee with a dash of regular milk and honey
– One cup of café au lait, bought at McDonalds
– One cup of hot chocolate
– Two little packages of multi fruit juice
– Two mugs of green tea lemon

How to: SOGging

Lazy Konata in Lucky Star. (Source unknown)

‘SOGging’, this word may seem weird to my non-Dutch readers, but it’s o so familiar to almost all of the Dutch students, as it is a Dutch abbreviation which many students will find themselves guilty of.
SOG = Studie Ontwijkend Gedrag, meaning ‘Study Evasive Behavior’. Put ‘-ing’ behind it, make it a verb and there you have it: ‘SOGging’. As the name implies, SOG is about everything a student does, who is supposed to be studying, that has NOTHING to do with studying itself.
Everyone has his own way of SOGging and here you can read my ways of procrastinating what I should do and do all the things I shouldn’t do.
I’m such a stupid girl sometimes.

  • Facebook. Remember this: Facebook is enemy. At least when studying. It isn’t even that interesting, but still I keep checking it every few minutes or so. What am I, crazy? My first step towards doing what I should do is probably just closing my Facebook tab, which I sometimes do, but then I just open it again whenever I’m looking for distraction.
  • Food. It’s so easy to spend time on making and eating food when I study at home. Sometimes I suddenly have the desire of eating something delicious that of course costs more time to make than when I’d just have a simple sandwich or snack. Also, walking up and down the stairs to check if the fridge magically has been filled with new food, isn’t exactly useful or timesaving either.
  • Cleaning. My room has never been more neat.
  • Looking around. Even my wall is interesting when I have to study. It’s painted in my favorite colour, lilac! How could I resist admiring it??
  • Dressing up. Nails are polished with a classy gold nail polish, I’ve discovered two new hairstyles, threaded my eyebrows, created some new outfits with old clothes… What? That stuff has to happen too!
  • Dancing around on birthday songs. Whose birthday exactly?
  • Korean Drama. Opening the tab of my favorites to see if another drama episode has been uploaded, come to the conclusion that it hasn’t and then preach to myself I shouldn’t watch too much drama because it’ll take too much of my study time.
  • Complain about the amount to study. It’s so much fun to complain about this with others! ‘There’s too much to study!’, ‘I’ll never make it on time!’; well duh, of course I won’t, not if I don’t even start studying and stop fooling around.
  • Blogging. Yes, writing this post is a form of procrastinating too. Told you I was stupid.

Guess it’s time for me to go back to my studies again. After I’ve fetched myself something to drink of course. What? Who’s procrastinating?